Decisions

DAY ONE: The Pauper Makes a Choice

Life is all about decisions.  It is rather common knowledge.  But for the first 25 years of my life, none of my decisions were difficult.  Therefore, this adage fell on deaf ears.  Ranging from the utterly useless "what do I want to do on a Saturday night" (hint: it probably involved eating Funions and driving around Frederick County) to the somewhat affecting "where should I go to college?"  Choosing the right college can be tricky, but the thing is, you are already on the path that was basically set out for you from birth.  Which college is really an afterthought.  It doesn't matter where you go.  You'll still at least have a diploma.

All this is to say that I never realized how important decision making was until a job interview in May, 2013.  Yes, approximately three months ago.  The question was posed, "What decisions have you had to make in your current job?"  After pausing for a moment to look deep down for an answer, a panicked voice inside just screamed back up, "You are screwed."  Because for 25 years, I managed to ease on down the proverbial road.  Hell, I never even like to pick the restaurant.

This is probably why I have spent the past four years as administrative support staff.  An underling.  A human punching bag.  Because for the first four years of my adult life, all I wanted to do was ignore the things that made me happy because the fear of rejection was so instilled in me growing up.  And there is no greater rejection on this earth than for creatives.  So why not simply sludge my way through life, earning a paycheck, and never getting my heart stomped all over by rejection?  Oh, because in lieu of rejection, I have opted for soul-sucking drudgery and zero intellectual stimulation.

If this is your chosen profession, please do not take this as a personal assault on your dreams.  Some people are perfectly content with a life in clerical work.  This is only to say that I am not one of those folks.  So I am now ready to ensure that my life does not become a metaphorical vacuum of passion and happiness.

So now I have made a decision.  I have decided that I want to pursue my creative endeavors: writing, performing, and generally utilizing the left portion of my brain before it shrivels to the size of a craisin.  But there is a massive Argionis & Associates, LLC leech sapping all of my creative energy.  I fear I shan't be able to do anything productive when I come home from work reaching for the whiskey over anything else.

And then it hit me.  I should just quit.  A solution so simple.  So obvious.  So... irresponsible!  WHAT AM I DOING?!  I CAN'T QUIT MY JOB!  AND IN THIS ECONOMY?!?!

Of course it is a terrifying prospect.  But no more terrifying than the idea of staying in my current career scenario for the rest of my days.  Timecards stamped and swathed in soul-suck day in and day out until I retire.  I can be like these guys, or I can be like this guy.

This blog will chronicle my newfound, perfectly chosen unemployment and (hopefully) eventual enlightenment.  Because I'm going to need something to break up all the resume submitting and cover letter writing that is hopefully more conducive than this.