For Every Leader...

DAY ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY: The Pauper Resumes

To say that life has its ups and downs is not only obvious, but such a cliche that it has no purpose in a writer's blog.  But to ignore my blogging absence also has no place.  So to be brief: life has had its downs.

When I started this blog, I swore it would not devolve into Livejournal like updates about my mood.  So I will simply gloss over my absence by saying, life has been difficult on a personal level.  But to gloss over would forfeit the benefit of honesty.

People who write about depression in a captivating way deserve some sort of Pulitzer.  It's difficult to toe the line between self-serving and honesty.  And I don't pretend to believe I can do so without falling into the latter.  So all I will say is that, Chicago winters (especially this one) deserve a special place in Hell for what they do to people's psyches.

Now that's out of the way, where do I begin?

While "Damn It, Janet" resurfaced during Chicago's 13th annual Sketchfest, I met someone whom I bonded with enough to start a professional writing relationship.  And today, while working on a treatment for our screenplay and on a two week respite from drinking, I realized my new dependency: writing.

This is a funny revelation to anyone reading a blog about someone who quit her job in September to pursue her dreams of writing.  But you never realize what you need in life until you hit your bottom and are salvaged.  Today, I was salvaged by working on a treatment for a screenplay.

The high I got from being creative was far more powerful than alcohol or pity.  In the midst of winter sickness and woman troubles, I some how dug myself out.  And through the power of creation, I was able to find myself the happiest I have been in 2014 on none other than February 14th.

But for some people, being a self-starter doesn't cut it.  And I won't pretend to be one of those people.  Not yet.  Not while I'm starting out.  Maybe one day.  But for right now, I'm dependent on the bottle.  The bottle of dependency.  And that dependency is looking to someone else to kick my ass into gear in order to feel better.  Because there's no better high than personal validation.