The Super Indecision 3000

DAY ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-NINE: The Pauper Waits

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.” - Paulo Coelho, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

This quote was brought to my attention last year by a dear friend of mine.  We lamented unrequited loves over a bottle of whiskey while sitting on my back porch.  And the thing about a really great quote isn't just that it captures an emotion so spot on, so personal that it feels like everything you have ever wanted to say but didn't know how to say it, but that it does it so eloquently.  In the way only a true writer can.  For this reason, writers are essential cogs in our emotional journeys.  They tap into emotions we can't express ourselves.

But the beauty of this quote touches on a thematic string I've been circling since I left my job last fall: decisions.  Life is about making decisions.  Something perhaps not made common knowledge in our collegiate studies.  You can turn left, or you can turn right.  You can take this job, or you can wait for the next.  You can say yes, or you can say no.

It takes a certain amount of poor decision making to understand the heft of this knowledge in your life.  When I made a decision in 2009 to accept a job to make money instead of searching for a job that would make me happy, I had no idea that the consequence would be four years of personal flatlining.

But awakening my senses to the weight of decision-making means I have to be cognizant of every decision I make.  Even something as simplistic as plans with friends becomes list of pros and cons.

As the quote states, it's the in-between that truly drives us crazy.  The inability to make a decision.  Do I wait?  Or do I forget?  Do I turn left?  Or do I turn right?  How do you know what is right?

You never do.  Because no matter how much prior knowledge you use to formulate your list of pros and cons, each instance is different.  So what dictates a good decision?

I think I have finally figured out the only right answer to this question: conviction.  Because when you have the courage to stand up and say that you made a decision that you 100% believe in, it can never be wrong.  You simply have to accept it.

And if you had the cajones big enough to make a firm decision, then you should always be rewarded with knowing you made the right one.