I Live In A Hologram With You

DAY SIXTY-EIGHT: The Pauper Meets Her Lorde

And now, we diverge from the norm of this blogosphere.  In lieu of opining over my current mind-fuck I have deemed "human perception", I would like to discuss an issue close to my heart: The degradation of society.

I recently purchased Lorde's debut album Pure Heroine.  Now, I'm not typically the person who seeks out entire albums by top-charting artists, but that damn "Royals" is so catchy that I thought I'd give it a look.  Plus, I had read a small amount about Ella Maria Lani Yelich-O'Connor, and she seemed like a pretty cool chick.  So I listened.  And I listened.  And I listened.  And I am still listening.

Lorde is the kind of artist I wish I discovered at age 13.  An age where Britney Spears was an artist I enjoyed, but felt weird admitting.  She went against everything I felt (read: I never felt like I was anything like Britney Spears.)  And although my dearest, Fiona Apple, premiered on the scene during my middle school years, I didn’t come to appreciate her beyond her “Criminal” success until college.

I have a big problem with youths today.  This is no secret to anyone who spends much time around me.  As an inhabitant of the final generation to live without the Internet, I find the youths of today mostly privileged, bratty, and narcissistic.  And their champions, Justin Beiber and Miley Cyrus do little to dissuade my bias.  These are artists who embody the narcissism of today's youth.  The fish-lipped selfies, the "do what you care" attitudes, the desire to grow up much too fast.  These aren't role models.  These are the embodiments of why people have little faith in the future.  These are artists so content on appearing grown up, they forget what being a grown up is.  Making yourself a sexual object does not make you a grown up.  It makes you a fool.  From a woman who has experienced her fair share of meaningless and empty encounters, I can promise this notion is true.  Sex without trust will do one thing: it will show your age.  But not the way young people may think.

The opposite end of the spectrum of pop lies people like Taylor Swift.  Taylor Swift is a talented sweetheart.  But as far as an outstanding artist, well, I've never boarded that train.  Because Taylor Swift apologists harbor under the notion that teenaged pop songs should be dumbed down to the one-dimensional standards of puppy love.  First crushes.  "Falling in love" with a boy.  Dumping his stupid ass.  And so on and so *excuses herself while she recuperates from thinking about "We Are Never Ever Ever EVER Getting, Like, Back Together."

This all comes back to the pop stars we idolize as impressionable teenagers.  Before any of these life changes arose for me, I had someone enlighten me on my priorities.  He rightly pinpointed my dependence on men, being desired, and having a relationship.  Though there are many reasons I have traveled down this path, it's difficult to ignore the cultural influence.  When pop culture is so saturated with songs and movies about finding "the one" or embracing sexuality as a way to appear "grown up", an impressionable youth has little to ascribe to besides using her vagina to find love.  It's a dangerous mix.  And it's something you see very little in pop culture rebelling against.

And it all comes back to Lorde.  I listened to the album once through, and was taken aback by the maturity in the lyrics and vocals of this 16-year-old pop star.  She sings about the fear of growing up, alienation, the desire to be something bigger than you feel capable.  These are the emotions we feel as youths, as well as grown ups.  These are observations and emotions I some times struggle with identifying as a 26-year-old.  Yet through the maturity, her true age shines through.  She sings of being a beauty queen (in tears), sings about "lik[ing] you", and "laughing til [their] ribs get tough".  Things that any teenager can identify with while not feeling alienated by the one person who can identify with their own alienation.

I wish that teenagers today listen to musicians like Lorde.  I wish that teenagers strive to conquer the disingenuous nature of our Internet age.  I wish that teenagers knew what they were capable of in light of new technologies, not in spite of them.

And somehow, simply by listening to some 16-year-old's album, this cynical woman finally saw light at the end of the tunnel for today's youth.

All Aboard at Anticipation Station

DAY SEVENTEEN: The Pauper Gets Butterflies

It's been a lot of big girl talk of late.  Don't get me wrong, it's been feeling amazing to finally talk like a big girl, but as the countdown to my last day of work nears, the butterflies in my stomach start flapping harder and harder.  They've emerged from their cocoons like an angry Mothra.

With possibilities on the horizon, a vacation booked, a wedding to attend, a Fiona Apple to see; I certainly have a lot to keep me busy in October.  But October isn't really the concern.  If I was concerned about my savings within my first month of unemployment, then I probably would not have been able to venture down this path.  But the cold stink of November and beyond is what has me worried.

Not surprisingly, things at work have gotten much more tolerable since I told them there's really no reason to scold me anymore for things that aren't my fault because, hey, I'm throwing up my two finger salute and peacing out.  It's almost enough to make me think that maybe I could just stick it out until I find something that pays me to be creative.  But then I look at the kind of work I've put out since my proclamation, and I know this is right.

It still doesn't change the fact that this time next week, I won't be getting my Sunday night jitters.  That feeling of impending doom lurking over most nine to fivers.  It doesn't change the fact that I won't be seeing the same people I've spent the majority of my past two and a half years with.  It doesn't change the fact that I still have punch cards at Freshii and Protein Bar that I haven't filled.  And damn it, I deserve my free South Acai'd smoothie!

The thing about routine is most people need to break it up at one point or another.  Interrupt the drudgery of the every day.  Because otherwise we might as well just be real life extras on The Walking Dead.  But the reason we stick to routine is because of the comfort it offers us.  The knowledge that even though things may not get much better, they still won't get worse.  It's a security blanket that most people can't give up.  And I'm just thankful that I realized ignoring my passions is actually my rock bottom.

I didn't include any pictures.  So instead I just Googled "dog on a motorcycle."
For the more visual readers.